|Posted by Oneness Ecuador on November 29, 2011 at 12:40 AM|
Bhagavan: "See, the problem with humanrelationship is not just husband and wife. In every relationship we try tounderstand each other. That is all right up to a point. But, then really youcannot understand anybody. For the simple reason there is nobody there. Ifthere is somebody there, you can understand. There is no body there.
What is happening is - there is somethingthat is going on changing all the time. That is which is changing all the time.How do you understand that? Because there are innumerable factors which arecreating that person from moment to moment. They are connected to what happenedin your past life, what happened when you were in the womb, what happened whenyou were brought up, the people in the neighborhoods, Kosmic energies,etc.Everything is working on that person. The person is being born and dying everymoment. So, how could you understand that person? It’s just not possible.
Effort to understand is waste because thereis nothing to understand. By the time you understood something, it would havechanged. So the best way in a relationship is to experience the person. Youexperience those changes in the person. A person is peaceful, next momentviolent, the next moment very understanding and kind, the next moment he or shemay be speaking some lies. So, it is going on changing. Just like you watch amovie and you enjoy, you have to learn to experience the people.
We have lost the art of experiencinganything that matter. Leave alone people. We are all the time trying tounderstand. Trying to understand is like peeling the onion. Nothing would beleft there. If you see the futility of trying to understand, it could stop onits own. That would be replaced by art of experiencing the person. Once youstart experiencing the person, no matter who your husband is, no matter whoyour wife is, it just does not matter. There will be only joy, joy and joy.Your nature of experience is joy".
"When you function from awarenessthere is no karma". Sri Amma Bhagavan.
"To become aware you must be authenticto yourself"
Question: Sri Baghawan, How to Heal RelationshipProblems ?
Sri Bhagavan answers:
"When having relationship problems,you need to actually start opening up to yourself, because there is a very majorpart of ourselves that we're not aware of. What we have failed to see aboutourselves is a major portion of our lives, and that has to be unveiled and hasto experienced. Amma Bhagavan's grace will help you unveil it and help youexperience it.
People also must know that they're notbeing subjected to a punishment or some kind of mental torture. It is more likea healing process to help them. This knowledge can help you to actuallyexperience the whole process without resisting or fighting it.
Every time you go through a relationshipproblem you actually get to see more of
ourself. It's not that you're getting tosee something about the other person, you're only getting to see that side ofyou that is hurt, that which wants love, which wants attention, which cannotforgive, which is not accepted, which feels rejected.
It is these things that you are getting tosee about yourself when going through a relationship problem. It is somethingthat you have to process through, otherwise how long can this be kept sweptunder the carpet--how long can this be suppressed? You have to let Divine Graceput you through this. Please know full well that you are not being judged orcondemned by the Divine when you're being put through such a process. You areonly being helped. This is a healing process to help you grow in relationshipwith the Divine, and grow in love and joy.
As you start accepting all this withinyourself, you are truly finally accepting the other person also. All of us tendto think that talking with the other person, or reasoning with them, orapplying some principle is going to help us. That is not the truth. You canonly know and accept the resistance you have to that relationship.
When you say you have a relationshipproblem, please understand that you are not having a problem with therelationship or the other person; you are only having a problem withinyourself. You are only having a problem accepting all this reality aboutyourself--that you may be a person who craves attention, who has still notforgiven, who feels guilty about your past, or who is unable to stop hatingsomeone, etc.
The other person is immaterial, and who heor she is, is not what is making you uncomfortable. How you experience him orher within you is the cause of your
relationship problem. And that is what hasto be experienced. So in every crisis you are only getting to see more ofyouself. It has nothing to do with the other person. As you start facing thetruth of your own resistance, it starts the melting of it under the heat ofawareness.....your awareness.
Content is not important. It is attentionand awareness that matters".
SRI BHAGAVAN: "We don't become perfectby changing oneself. We become perfect by being aware and accepting our self aswe are."
How frameworks affect your relationships...
SRI BHAGAVAN: "One of the reasons forpain in relationships is the fixated frameworks you have on what an idealrelationship ought to be.These ideals are provided to us byreligion,stories,myths and society at large.An ideal is always an ideal.It isnot real.And when you try to impose the ideal on the actual,you see imperfectionwhich leads to discontent and strife.
I know of a couple who are very goodfriends and for eight years before they got married.On the very first day oftheir marriage the relationship started falling apart.Being a hindu husband heexpected his wife to fit into a traditional mould but was shocked to find herusing strong language on the eve of departure.There is reality on the one handand the idealistic framework on the other.Once you are married you become thehusband and she becomes the wife and there is always the conditioning of howthe wife should behave and how the husband should conduct himself.You expect ofa husband to take hold of the responsibilities of the family to be loving andemotionally strong.The wife on the other hand is expected to be a care taker,bepatient with enormous ability to bear with pain,pious,understanding and ... tothe husband.Once married you relate to your spouse from this frame work.And lofrom your partner before marriage and after marriage makes a lot of difference.Thatis because your frame work has changed and entirely different set ofconditioning and expectation comes into play.These conditionings thereafterstart ruling your life.You wear the mask of your husband and relate to the maskof your wife.The real people have withdrawn and hence the artificiality andinner death in place of spontanity and love."
Thanks to: Anuradha Chandrashekar, Ahmedabad
Categories: Sri Amma Bhagavan